My Top Four Recommended Books On Divorcing and Co-Parenting

Hello everyone,

I have to begin by sharing some awesome news! I have launched my new video podcast ‘The Mindful Divorce'.

I've teamed up with men's mental health advocate Bo Hollyday (The Chill Champ) to bring you the best insights, advice and support to help you through the end of your marriage or relationship.

In each episode, Bo and I share our personal struggles during our divorces, but more importantly, we share what we learned along the way about how to move through the pain and out into a better life that has meaning and purpose again.

Bo and I are both co-parents, so we understand the uncertainty and worry for our kids that can come after a marriage ends. We've both seen firsthand how it's possible to support your children emotionally through the turmoil of divorce by providing consistent routines and maintaining respectful relationships with their co-parents, despite how challenging it can be.

When I think back to the worst of my emotional upheaval after my divorce, a podcast like this would have been so helpful. It's our goal that anyone watching and listening will have a sense of hope that their divorce can end up being something they can look back on with gratitude in years to come too. (Yes, it is possible!)

Our episodes are posted each Saturday, and you can subscribe to my channel to get a notification each time a new one is posted. If you know anyone who is going through a divorce, you might like to share the link with them too. Click on the image below to go to my YouTube channel.

Recommended Reads

This week, I also wanted to share four of the best books I read in the first months after my separation.

There are obviously so many books on the market that you can choose to read, so I want to tell you about the ones that stood out for me as being the most helpful.

The first two books were published over 30 years ago and are still the highest-grossing books about navigating divorce on the market. They are packed with pearls of wisdom, support, encouragement and advice in here that were an anchor to me when I went through my own divorce nine years ago.

I've included insights under each book so you can get a feel for which ones might be the most helpful to you through each stage.

As many of you know, I had a long-term relationship after my marriage ended, which was toxic and abusive. Although grieving that loss was extremely difficult, we didn’t have children together, so it was a different process that I had to go through.

'Single On Purpose' has been the book that helped me through that and the catalyst for finding peace with being alone and continuing to work on my personal growth before looking to find love again.

1. The Good Divorce - Constance Ahrons

If you have children, this book is an absolute must-read. The book challenges the traditional notion of divorce as an inherently harmful and destructive process.

After reading this book, I knew that I could ensure the ending of our marriage was done in a way that could prioritize the well-being of all involved, particularly our kids. I'm not sure I would have as good a co-parenting relationship with my ex had I not read this book in the first months of our separation.

2. Rebuilding When Your Relationship Ends - Bruce Fisher

This book felt like a 'roadmap' to me. The author was focused on personal growth and kept guiding readers back to the fact that everything was in their control, depending on how they viewed what was happening.

Bruce encourages readers to embark on an inner journey of self-awareness and acceptance, allowing them to heal from the past and embrace a brighter future. There are practical exercises and thought-provoking questions to walk you step-by-step through the practicalities of beginning to lead separate lives.

This book gave me a sense of mastery over what was happening when I had those floundering, ‘in a fog’ days.

It also provides great tips for effective co-parenting, and excellent advice for keeping the children's well-being front and centre when communicating with your ex while trying to navigate the new normal.

3. The Spiritual Divorce - Debbie Ford

Divorce is a life event that makes you ask 'Why me?'.

It's helpful to be able to see the bigger picture of your life when that question hits you. I know that I began to feel a lot better once I started to find the lessons rather than focus on my pain and why I couldn't make my marriage work.

Reading this book helped me delve deep into my beliefs about love and past patterns. There are practical exercises, meditations, and great questions to help readers uncover their own spiritual truths, whatever that may look like.

Before reading this book, I wasn't 100% clear on my spiritual beliefs. But after exploring themes of forgiveness, acceptance, and self-love, I realized how spiritual practices can assist in healing and finding inner peace during and after a divorce.

4. Single On Purpose - John Kim

Hands down, the best book on the market to help you make peace with being on your own after a relationship ends, in my opinion. I've learned firsthand how rushing into another relationship when you're not ready can set your healing back years and keep you stuck in unresolved grief from the past.

It's easier said than done to figure out how to be ok with being on your own. What do you do on those quiet weekends when all of your friends are busy, and you're facing yet another night of thoughts and feelings that seem overwhelming? Many of us will reach for a new partner before we are truly ready.

John's book is like talking to a good friend who totally understands. He's been through it and doesn't offer sugar-coated quick fixes.

This book helped me realise that the last thing I needed when I was in this space was to create an online dating profile. I needed to be with myself and get comfortable with the feeling of spending time alone.

It's also peppered with a lot of humour which I loved. John takes a serious subject and makes it seem less heavy.

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I read many more books after my separation, but these were the ones that I remember vividly as being the most helpful when I needed clarity and reassurance that I was making the right choices for my family.

I hope this week’s newsletter finds you all in a good emotional space. I welcome connections, questions and comments, so please don’t hesitate to reply to this email if there is anything you would like to ask me.

Until next week!

Carol

If you want to feel like you are taking the best steps for yourself and your family during separation, book my Road to Recovery coaching package here.

If you want to explore a free 1:1 coaching session, connect with me online or find me on Twitter.

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