We're Not Meant To Do Pain Alone

So much of our struggle and pain after divorce is the fact that we feel like we are going through it on our own.

It feels like nobody else gets it. Like there is nobody we can talk to who can get inside our heads and understand what we’re living through each day.

While I’m a huge advocate of building the resilience you need to get yourself through major life challenges (because nobody can rescue us except ourselves), I also understand how much better I felt when I spoke to people who had also experienced separation or divorce.

Human connection can not be underestimated. And often, at a time when you feel like it’s the last thing you can face, it is exactly what you need!

Imagine being able to say out loud some of your darkest, craziest thoughts and have someone else say, ‘Yeah, I’ve been there too’, and then hear them open up and be vulnerable with their own story.

When I was trying to heal from my divorce, I attended an intimate support group as part of my recovery. I resisted signing up for so long because I couldn’t face the thought of saying out loud some of the dark feelings of failure that plagued me.

I was also scared of the amount of emotion that I would feel.

It felt safer to try and deal with everything on my own.

At some point in the middle of my hardest time, I found the courage to take the plunge, and I am so very grateful today that I did. I know that sharing with others was such a powerful healing tool.

I proved to myself that I could admit how I was feeling to someone else, and the world did not end. I could handle the emotions that I was feeling. Sharing them lessened their power.

It was a turning point in my recovery. I began to feel better from the first session.

What exactly can you expect from taking the step to join a divorce support community?

Judgment-free sharing - Sometimes, we hold back from telling people our biggest screwups and darkest fears because we feel they will see us as flawed and incapable. In a support group, there is no judgement. We all struggle with the same feelings of failure, regardless of the exact events that got us there.

Validation of what you’re going through - The pain of your marriage ending can be so intense that at times, you may even question what the point of living is. Is that valid? Of course it is! This is pure grief. You are in dark times. It’s comforting to know that feelings this extreme are normal and that you are not the only one experiencing them.

Complete understanding - You don’t have to try to find all the right words. Sometimes, in a small group, you can sit in silence and feel completely understood by others simply by feeling their presence. They are here for the same reasons. They get it.

Personal growth - You learn so much about your capacity for empathy and understanding as you realize that just turning up each week is helping other people. The growth between sessions becomes evident in your daily interactions at home and work with the other people in your life.

Face and overcome fears of opening up - Being able to open up in a close group helps you to flex your vulnerability muscles. Vulnerability is essential for healthy, close relationships. By practising this relational skill in a safe place, you are setting yourself up for better relationships in the future.

My six-week divorce coaching group kicks off in three weeks’ time. Spaces are limited to six people to keep the group intimate. We’ll work through the following areas together:

• sharing our biggest struggles and pain points

• supporting our kids through the process

• looking after our mental and physical state

• future visioning the life we want to have

• learning to deal with being on our own for now

We’ll have weekly online group coaching sessions and homework activities so you can move into a stronger emotional state while you navigate your way through your separation. You’ll be connected with others who are also going through their own divorces.

Here’s what members of my last workshop said about their experience in the group:

“The opportunity to share with others and find similarities in our struggles made me feel instantly better about what I was going through” - Lili. P

“I felt so much better once I heard the others open up about how they were feeling. I was suffering from a lot of anxiety and it was a relief to hear that others were going through the same thing” - Marco.S

If you are curious to find out more, reply to this email with ‘CURIOUS’ and I’ll send you all the details.

If you know anyone who you think could benefit from taking part, please forward this email to them and tell them about it. It could be just what they need right now!

If you have any questions please don’t hesitate to reach out. You can reply to this email, or find me on Instagram and Twitter.