Let Go Of Other People's Opinions About Your Divorce

I was my own worst enemy after my separation ten years ago.

I beat myself up constantly for not being able to ‘succeed’ in marriage and family life. For being a failure. For not having what it took to make it for the long haul.

Most of the ammunition I used came from the fear of what other people were thinking of me.

Divorce is tough enough on its own, but add the weight of everyone else’s opinions to your own fears, and you’ve got a recipe for a complete breakdown!

As a divorce coach, I’ve seen countless people wrestle with the feeling that they’re constantly being judged or misunderstood after their marriages have ended.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many of us find ourselves dealing with well-meaning (and not-so-well-meaning) people who feel the need to weigh in on our choices, our lives, and even the paths we choose for our lives post-divorce.

So, how can we start letting go of those outside opinions and focus on what really matters—our own journey forward?

Let’s look at ways to let go of what other people think of you and your choices. This is your life, and only you get to decide what’s best for you and your family.

Why Other People's Opinions Feel So Powerful

First, let’s acknowledge why other people’s opinions hold such sway over us. When we go through a major life event like divorce, we often feel vulnerable, uncertain, and even a little insecure about our decisions. This is completely natural!

You’ve just experienced a big life shake-up, it's normal to worry about what the people in your world are going to make of it.

Society has long held certain expectations about marriage and divorce, and unfortunately, some people feel uncomfortable when others don’t fit neatly into those boxes. Maybe you’ve faced questions like, “What happened?” or “Have you tried everything?”

Or the one that cut me to my core, “What about the kids?”. (As if it hadn’t kept me up at night for the last two years!)

These aren’t easy questions to brush off, especially when they hit right where it hurts the most!

But here’s the truth: these reactions often say more about the people giving them than they do about you. It can help to remember that everyone filters life through their own experiences, beliefs, and insecurities.

When the people you know start projecting their beliefs onto you, it’s not a reflection of your worth or your choices. It’s simply their perspective, which they are entitled to.

We don’t have to buy into it!

The Emotional Impact of Too Many Opinions

The weight of other people’s opinions can lead to an emotional avalanche, including guilt, shame, and even resentment. These emotions aren’t just uncomfortable—they can also keep you stuck, making it harder to move forward and start your next chapter.

Guilt and shame are common in this phase of divorce. You might wonder if you could have done more to “make it work” or if you’ve somehow failed at this thing called life (like I constantly did).

The reality is that marriages end for many reasons, and blaming yourself—or allowing others to do so—only slows your healing. Resentment can also rear its head, especially if people in your life keep bringing up the past or questioning your decisions.

This is where boundaries become so important. It’s okay to say, “I’m working through it and I need space to do it in my own way.”

People who genuinely care about you will understand and respect that. And those who don’t? Well, they’re not the voices you need to prioritize right now.

Who Am I Now That I’m Not Married?

One of the most powerful things you can do after a divorce is to figure out who you are now. During a marriage, it’s easy to lose yourself in the identity of wife or husband. Buying into the opinions of others can make it harder to find yourself again.

Ask yourself: Who am I without the relationship? Take time to sit still with uncomfortable feelings and reflect on this important question.

It took me several years to realize how much I had changed from the young person who walked down the aisle with unwavering optimism for the future, to the woman who had lived through twelve years of marriage and had to make huge decisions for myself and my kids.

My life is far from perfect, but I’m more at peace with who I am and the choices I’ve made than I’ve ever been. In my opinion, you can’t put a price on that feeling, and I wouldn’t change a thing if it meant giving up who I am today, no matter what anyone else thinks about divorce.

Building a Strong Support System

One of the best things you can do post-divorce is to surround yourself with people who truly support you. This doesn’t just mean friends and family who are willing to lend an ear; it means finding those who lift you up, encourage you, and help you see your own strength.

Sometimes, you may need to be selective about who you share your struggles with. Not everyone is capable of providing the kind of support you need.

Divorce support groups, therapy or coaching can provide an outlet for processing feelings, providing solidarity and helping you find motivation for moving forward.

You need to be able to share in a space where you’re not vulnerable to listening to the opinions of others who know you and your spouse and are giving advice through their own biases.

Strategies for Letting Go of What They All Think

So, how do we actually let go of other people’s opinions? This is easier said than done, but it’s absolutely possible with practice and self-awareness. Here are some strategies to get started:

1. Detach from Negative Comments: Remember that others’ judgments aren’t about you; they’re about them. Visualize their words bouncing off you or floating away. This mental exercise can be powerful in creating emotional distance.

2. Reframe Criticism as a Reflection of Others, Not You: The next time you feel hurt by someone’s opinion, ask yourself what might be driving their perspective. Maybe they’re projecting their own fears or insecurities. Recognizing this can help you see that their criticism isn’t personal.

3. Try Using Affirmations: Start each day with affirmations that reinforce your sense of self-worth and remind you of your goals. Simple phrases like, “I am strong,” “I am capable,” or “I am creating a life that feels right for me” can be incredibly empowering.

4. Visualize Your Growth Beyond the Divorce: This one’s powerful. Picture yourself five or ten years from now, feeling happy and at peace. Imagine what you’ll be doing, who you’ll be surrounded by, and how free you’ll feel from the weight of others’ opinions. Visualization can help you stay focused on your own path, making it easier to let go of distractions.

Moving Forward with Confidence

For me, letting go of other people’s opinions wasn’t a one-and-done task; it was an ongoing practice. Some days were easier than others, and that’s okay. Healing is a journey, and so is learning to put your own voice above everyone else’s.

Over time, as I grew more confident in my decisions and developed a clearer sense of self, the weight of others’ opinions didn’t seem to matter as much. Today, I pay very little attention to what anybody thinks of me or my decisions. It’s a great place to be!

Remember: this is your life, and you have every right to live it on your terms. Divorce may be a chapter in your story, but it’s not the whole book. You have the power to choose what comes next, and that choice belongs to no one but you.

As you move forward, give yourself grace and celebrate the little victories along the way. The freedom of letting go is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself.

The only opinion that truly matters is the one you hold about yourself.

Until next time,

Carol

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